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Author Archives: Carlos
Chasing Bristol Palin
Wednesday, July 14th, 2010
Because so many of you (approximately 30,000) are coming here looking for information and pictures about Bristol Palin I thought I could help you out. Take this survey to find out “How long could you take a warm nap between Bristol Palin’s smooshy boobies?” These are my results: I could you take a warm nap [...]
Making A Comedy Album
Tuesday, July 6th, 2010
I have kind of fallen off the grid on this blog, but with good reason. I am making a comedy album! Rose and I are using Kickstarter.com to raise money to turn the best of this blog, plus unpublished, content into a audio hilarity, limited edition t-shirts and posters. Come join us at KickStarter:
The Television Made Me Do It
Tuesday, April 27th, 2010
The KFC Double Down has triggered my inner competitive nature. I present The Quadstrocity. If you want to see it in full detail you can watch the Unaltered Quadstrocity it’s 17 Min. After completing this task I had to drink a half gallon of water and many more beers before my body returned to “normal” [...]
Filling In For Google
Tuesday, April 6th, 2010
credit: v i p e z I found this ridiculous image of Google Suggests and thought I should help out. Do men have periods? Yes, of steroidal rage. Does sperm whiten teeth? I don’t know. I need to do further testing. Does Jesus have a tattoo? Yes, it’s a tramp-stamp. Does jerking off make you [...]
The Museum Of The Date Doesn’t Go Anywhere
Monday, March 22nd, 2010
credit: j/k_lolz One of the great tricks that life plays on you is the rumor that there are rules. There are no absolute truths, no constants. As surely as this life will end; I will fail you. I don’t plan on it, but I expect it. I stand on a corner and watch bicycles the [...]
From The Google
Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010
Yesterday Google sent me the following question “Why don’t women trust?” The simple answer is Bristol Palin. Well, to clarify, I can only really answer why women don’t trust me. The answer to that is Bristol Palin. Tender, thick, dangerous if under-prepared–like a pork chop–Bristol. I have some very understanding friends. I have largely received [...]
Doing It
Thursday, February 4th, 2010
How are you doing? – My Mom This is an interesting question and heady question. Usually it begins with a sandwich that looks like this: photo credit: Sakurako Kitsa After vigorous chewing the sandwich goo gets stored in a place I call the belly sac. A strong acid that lives in my belly sac helps [...]
This Pez Dispenses Sound
Wednesday, January 27th, 2010
Chris Pez (www.houseofsound.org) How Much Money Do You Have in Your Pockets? $22 What is the funniest Text on your phone right now? No one sends me funny, I just get informational. Have you ever pretended to be someone else on the phone? When I was young. What happens when you hit a ninja with [...]
You Can Take The Girl Out Of The Shower, But Why?
Monday, January 25th, 2010
Today’s Guest: Karianne Stinson (http://twitter.com/karianne) How Much Money Do You Have in Your Pockets? I have 1 dollar. What is the funniest Text on your phone right now? Hmm, one of my favs is “Help! Crazy bitches everywhere!” Have you ever pretended to be someone else on the phone? “Hi! This is Cindi from Baskin-Robbins [...]