It Happens in the Yard

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Fighting wolves
credit: Tambako the Jaguar

Why am I so unenthusiastic about gardening? – Rose

Gardening is a contentious subject around my house. I live with two ladies that have very different views of what constitutes a proper garden. One, I’ll call her the Big Lady, feels that gardening is a protracted campaign spanning multiple years. During which you cultivate a happy and healthy stock of edibles for furtive consumption that makes grocery store vegetables seem bland. The other lady, I’ll call her the Little Lady, believes that gardening is best performed while running back-and-forth harassing the smallest member of the upstairs neighbor’s family until one of you can no longer resist the overpowering urge to fertilize one of the emaciated trees in the yard.

But, if I was pressed to answer, and I am because of a legal agreement, I would say that deep inside you fear that you will lose your finger in a trowel accident and I will tell everyone that you lost it in a volcanic duel with Gollum.

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