photo credit: Randy OHC
I just found out about a tragedy at my alma mater, Reed College. A young man named Alejandro “Alex” Lluch died of an overdose last month. I want to offer my condolences to his family and friends. Since 1998 I have had a love/hate relationship with Reed.
My first weekend visiting the college featured a Junior telling me “Reed is the most painful (difficult) experience of my life, but I am coming back next year,” for many of my contemporaries this description became theirs too.
Reed, like many intense academic institutions, attracts brilliant minds. The downside of bright minds is that they often come from very painful backgrounds; mental instability and loneliness are common traits of intelligence. Feelings of estrangement lead to strange behaviors.
It is difficult to make the best decisions when we are young, but teenagers and young adults will make their own decisions — regardless of restrictions. Many of the articles that have been written about the death imply that Reed College drug policies are culpable. Reed’s drug policies are not responsible for addiction and they are not responsible for shame. The most dangerous part of drugs is not the substance — the danger is in the parts of life that feed addiction. When people feel they have no outlet for fear, shame, and pain they have to turn somewhere. Some people become addicted to sports, theater, studying, etc. other turn to drugs, excessive exercise, or unhealthy eating to control something in a world that denies a sense of order.
Every couple of years Reed alum have to sit through a round of whining about Reed’s unwillingness to strike fear and shame into the hearts of its students. Reeds policy in all things is explicit take responsibility for your actions and do what is right. I frequently hear about drugs on campus, but I don’t hear much about obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety, and eating disorders that run rampant. Addiction is a lifestyle, it is not a substance. Drugs are not the reason that kids die, alcohol is not the reason kids die, poor decisions are the reason kids die.
Everyday kids die because they make a poor life decision out of fear. Fear of what parents, their peers, or authority figures will do in reaction to the kid’s choices. Draconian laws, rules, and policies only serve to exacerbate fear and shame. Most kids don’t drive drunk for fun — they do it because they are afraid that they will get caught breaking rules. Drinking, or doing drugs, in seclusion is dangerous. Strict regulation fetishizes actions and substances, gives them cache, and drives them into hiding. Away from prying eyes children are that much further from help. Every extra minute that it takes to get proper care could be the one that makes the difference between life and death.
Strict regulation is never going to make drugs disappear. Alex made several good decisions, including attending a school where he could make friends and be open about his preexisting struggle with addiction. If he did not attended Reed he may not have had the luxury of those 8 months, he may have made his final (bad) decision sooner.
On April 5th Alex made a difficult choice that every struggling addict faces. He had to decide which is more important — the high or not admitting his failure. He chose to get high alone.
It does a disservice to the memory of Alex and many others who have died to imply that someone else is responsible. You can never love someone enough to fix them; counseling, support and punishment will always fail to bridge the chasm of fear, shame, and pain if the person experiencing them doesn’t believe the crossing is for them.
For everyone who has lost a loved one to addiction please accept my sincere sympathy. Your loss is hard enough without passing blame.
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