credit: ld_germain
On my professional blog I wrote about new mothers who are angry about Motrin and Facebook. Motrin got in trouble for pointing out the rising popularity of wearing babies like fleshy drooling bling. And Facebook got in trouble for pointing out that breastfeeding involves breasts. I neither wear babies for fashion nor their sustenance, so it is all very amusing for me.
Chief among those amusements was learning of the Baby Bjorn. It turns out that Baby Bjorn is not a children’s album by Peter Bjorn & John, but it should be, it is instead a baby wearing device that is meant to be both comfortable, ergonomic, and ( I dare say) fashionable. Second on the list was todays question:
Why are mothers so angry about things that involve their kids?
I know that some people have drunk the kool-aid and believe that it is a protective instinct that is ingrained in the very fiber of a womans being. Alternate views hold that the months of sharing internal systems cause a spiritual bond. But, the truth is something far cruder.
OVER COMPENSATION
Yes that is right! Mother’s are over compensating for the following things:
- The loss of their body for 9 – 900 months
- Disruption of their other relationships
- Fear that they will fail as mothers
- An overwhelming desire to eat their baby
These women sub-consciously believe that by channeling all of their rage and depression over the above issues into blind lashing out at anyone that questions their parenting choices, or implies they have ulterior motives, will absolve them of their feelings.
Normally women gain between 25 and 35 pounds during the incubation of their spawn. Assuming that a woman is 5’3″ (63in) and healthy she is between 110 and 140 pounds, so a baby may make her grow over 30%. Can you imagine? That a pretty big change, and only 8 pounds of that is actually the baby.
- Placenta 2-3 pounds
- Amniotic fluid 2-3 pounds
- Breast tissue 2-3 pounds
- Blood supply 4 pounds
- Fat stores for breastfeeding 5-9 pounds
- Uterus increase 2-5 pounds
My mind reels at the thought of 4 pounds of blood; that is like a horror movie. Inside of every woman is a horror show of fluids and tissues fueling a postpartum powder-keg.
Not only does all this rearranging or the body make it difficult for women to go back to their normal ways they also have to deal with other people not being nearly as heart-warmed by the new meat-bags penchant for projectile vomiting. So, after 9 months of not having fun because you are trying to birth a health baby your healthy baby makes it difficult for you to hangout with your friends, or be intimate with your partner, or spend a nice night out with out worrying. And for what? It is going to cost you like a million dollars to raise, educate and feed it. It is going to get to do all kinds of fun things you can’t because you want to be a good parent and in the end I’m just going to put you in a nursing home.
Finally, and most telling, is every woman’s secret desire to consume their baby.
According to Donna Barr, author of Stintz and The Desert Peach, “A woman is like 14 times more likely to eat a properly prepared baby. That is why I could never have a baby — I have too many skillets” When I heard this I really wanted to respond with something funny, but when presented with such a radiant lucent insight into the dilemma of womanhood I could not bring myself to say much. In my informal studies I have found that while most women find the thought of infantacide abohrant many of them are open to infants as side-dishes — if properly prepared.
Clearly this is the dark secret mothers are covering up. I guess I understand that they want to get their friends and figure back by literally stuffing the offending creature back in them; re-processing their child back into the youth and vigor of their former days. But, it simply doesn’t work that way.
