photo credit: musictowakeyou
I keep my phone on vibrate and in my pocket. Often it feels like it’s vibrating even when it’s not. What is the deal with these phantom vibrations?
-Jevan
Well Jevan the reason that you have phantom vibrations, sometimes called ringxiety, is that you are a nervous, self-obsessed person. You want so deeply to be important that your brain is misinterpreting non-vibratory signals as potential phone calls. Say the wind blows against your neatly pleated, recently ironed, pants your brain starts think, “Yippie! Someone wants to talk to me.” So, it tells you your leg it feels vibrating — and that makes you happy as you reach to get your phone. Unfortunately, as many geeks come to find out, owning a cell phone does not induce people to call you –-so, you grow confused and sad that no one is interested in talking to you; causing you to release, what I call, undorphins. These undorphins are the reason that you feel unclean all the time, and wash your hand so much.
Now there is another possibility, I may be wrong about you being a Nervous Nelly. You could be experiencing excessive pressure in the sensory cortex of your brain, or, you could have a cancerous node malignantly crushing against the central nerve in your leg. The best way to find out is to ask a friend to check the back of your skull and your groin for lumps. If you find any don’t try squeezing them, take my word for it hurts a lot. Anyway, you should have zero lumps at the back of your skull and between zero and three down below, depending on how active you were as a kid.
If you want to read more about Ringxiety and the people who suffer from it visit USA Today.
