I Do Things

photo credit: kygp

Do you ever feel like you were supposed to grow up to be something different?

I do.

Last night I had a long conversation with someone I have known for years. She brought up what I thought was going to do with my life after I got out of college. She was crass about her approach to the subject, but it made me think about how far I have come since I was young.

What did you want to be when you were a kid? I wanted to be tall, and I wanted to do something science-y. In my teen years I realized that I am really intrigued by psychology, I started to think about studying abnormal psychology or psychopharmacology; this is when I first started formulating characters and thinking about writing also.

When my dad died I stopped thinking all together. I just puttered along, making very primal/instinctive decisions. I chose to take mainly art related courses my first year in college – eventually I dropped out. This made me realize that I really was happiest working artistically, rather than scientifically. I had always idolized my high school art teacher, his job seemed like it was at least interesting and people oriented. When I came back I decided that I would finish as an art major, that I would become a teacher. But that didn’t happen the way I intended.

I was working for an arts program in Portland Oregon daily hearing complaints from the people that I worked with that they were constantly having issues with teaching art, because the bulk of the work came through non-profit organizations and often paychecks bounced. This was, to say the least, disheartening. Still I was training to be a summer firefighter for the US Forest Service. I figured that I could go from that to working on an Emergency Teaching Certificate. But a few weeks before I was supposed to take the physical exam I dislocated my shoulder.

After physical therapy I decided that I would stay in Portland, work in the Americorps, and see where things were going with my college girlfriend. This taught me that I disagree with the way education is handled in the United States, introduced me to marketing as a profession, and in a cruel twist of fate resulted in me living in Seattle (a city I vowed I would never live in again). I am finally writing and doing more art again.

I am doing art and I am teaching people, about marketing, so I feel I am closer to my intention than I was a year ago.

If only I were tall.