Why do you charge for questions, won’t Ann Landers answer for free?
-Chris Glein

Well Chris the reason that I charge is because I guarantee to answer your question and to send you a signed response. Also I will respond faster; considering that the original Ann Landers, Ruth Crowley, and her replacement, Esther “Eppie” Pauline Friedman Lederer, are both dead.

But you can always ask Dear Abbey; she’s 90 and has Alzheimer’s. She probably gets 4,000 letters a day. I don’t get that much mail unless you count credit card offers.

Finally I have love in my heart and whiskey in my veins. So I am willing to answer any question, not just ones that can be printed in a mainstream paper.

Oh, and money makes easier for me to do “extra” research and to mail a signed copy so you can keep it for posterity.

Why do men grow mustaches?
-K. Kerr

Good question Ms. Kerr the reason that men grow mustaches is that we are both lazy and competitive. The swirling miasma of virility that roils behind our faces wishes to push itself forth into the world.

Here is where the trouble starts, some men, also known as pansies, can’t grow full beards — or find them itchy. So to keep our daily routines simpler we do slightly less shaving. With each passing day our facial fur calls out to anyone with a y-chromosome, taunting them to prove their manhood by indulging in a masculine topiary.

If you want to learn more about mustaches you can visit the American Mustache Institute.

I have heard of this thing called string theory, can you explain what it is?

-D Lily

Can I do it? Yes, I can.

Imagine an object:

• All objects are made of atoms
• All atoms are made of particles
• All particles are made of vibrating strings, like a guitar string
• The way that strings vibrate constitutes all knowable properties of the particle
  • Strings can vibrate in 11 dimensions
    • The 3 dimensions we conceive of as Space
    • Time
    • Color
    • Spin
    • Flavor
    • Gravity
    • Electro-Magnetism
    • Weak Nuclear Force
    • Strong Nuclear Force
  • Strings are a billion times smaller than particles
  • Some people believe that, if tested, Strings can explain all physical principles

Some people also theorize that there are up to 26 dimensions that these strings are vibrating in. I don’t have enough information to decide which side I fall on. My favorite explanation can be found here.

Thanks for your questions.

Be Sociable, Share!

•