Todays’ Guest:

Matthew Inman (www.theoatmeal.com)

How Much Money Do You Have in Your Pockets?

$4.00 or so.  I only carry cash on Thursdays, those are “tranny hooker night” at the Oatmeal household.

What is the funniest Text on your phone right now?

If u don’t stop texting me poetry about the anus of a buffalo I’m gonna file a restraining order

Have you ever pretended to be someone else on the phone?

When I was a teenager people would often mistake me for my dad when I answered the phone, so one time I just ran with it.  It wasn’t until they started asking questions about carburetors that the jig was up.  I’m not into autos, and I’m pretty sure my car runs on space juice, so my ability to keep up in the conversation didn’t last long.

What happens when you hit a ninja with a car?

I veer out of the way and run over a bunch of old people instead.

If you could have chosen you own name what would it be?

I want a name that combines a force of nature with a reproductive organ, such as ThunderPussy or HurricaneBalls.  CockLightning would be acceptable, too.

If you could only have one type of sandwich for the rest of your life what would it be?

A bald eagle sandwich; they’re both delicious and patriotic.

Anything else I should know?

When I was in elementary school we used to play this game where we’d stretch out our arms out and run around the field while producing sounds like an airplane.  The game was appropriately called “airplanes,” and it was really fun until the day a giant horsefly flew into my mouth and got stuck in my throat.  I spent a good 30 seconds trying to hawk it up, meanwhile it was buzzing and crawling inside my esophagus.  Eventually it shot out of my mouth and went on to what I imagine was a charmed life.  For the remainder of the school year, however, my classmates referred to me as “that kid who ate a horsefly” rather than my first name.

If I were the man then that I am today, I’d personally force feed crickets to all those moon-faced little brats.  My name is Matthew, you little assholes – remember it well.

Matt is Internet infamous for his ribald comics about everything from things you should know about coffee to eating flies. You may notice a striking similarity between the comic that Monkey-Hugger Matthew  “oatmeal” Inman put out yesterday and his answer to my last question. That is because Matt is a salivating velociraptor when it comes to comedy and couldn’t wait an extra day to post his quote unquote comic to the Interwebs. I am feverishly formulating a an emoticon to express my feelings….unfortunately I can’t come up with anything that properly evokes beating a koala to death with a bag of unicorn dung. (Maybe Matt can steal that from me too!)

PS. Buy his comic book

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