How To: Sexting

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Creative Commons Licensecredit: annais

Text flirting, or sexting, is all the rage in the media. Unfortunately they are focusing on amateurs, like teenage picture takers and celebrities.

Let’s use Tiger Woods as an example. What Tiger said, “I will wear you out…when was the last time you got fucked”

Rose sums up the Tiger’s issue pretty well:

While this is probably not an isolated sext. I suspect they’re all this weak, which is the problem with celebrities. They think they don’t have to work at seduction, and they’re too often right.

So, how do you sext your way to seduction?

Your best option is to practice, but don’t practice on your phone. Practice with paper. The beginners course is formulas that you can use to get started and find out where you have the best traction.

Sexting 101: Mad Libs

Remember that these text are about them. Specifically the things you want to do to them because of the uncontrollable desire they produce in you. Start by using I want. Once you have that down pepper your messages with synonyms, like need, have and must. Also, avoid emoticons and ellipses, they water down your message.

Parts:

  • I want to put my__(Body Part)__in your__(Body Part)__.
  • I want to put your__(Body Part)__in my__(Body Part)__.

Action:

  • I want to__(Verb)__ your__(Body Part)__.
  • I want to__(Verb)__ my__(Body Part)__(over|in|through|against) your __(Body Part)__ .

Combinations:

  • I want to__(Verb)__ your__(Body Part)__with my__(Body Part)__until you __(Verb)__.
  • I need to__(Verb)__ your__(Body Part)__with you up on__(Large Object)__in the __(Location)__.

A note on body parts: remember you are trying to be sexy so steer away from medical or juvenile naming, unless you are trying to be funny.

Sexting 202: Free-form and Similes

Now that you are comfortable with the basics stop restricting yourself to body parts. You can use any noun, however there are some nouns that are better than others. Consider the picture that words paint:

  • Pickle vs Cucumber
  • Little General vs Conquering Soldier
  • Curtain Rod vs Garden Hose

Also, start adding modifiers:

I want to_(Verb)_ your_(Noun)__with my__(Noun)__until you __(Verb)__on my floor.

Similes, like statements, are another way to spice up your spicy texts. Start off simple and then try mixing them in with your other skills.

Simple:

I want to__(Verb)__you like a__(Noun)__.

A bit more flowery:

Your__(Noun)__feels like__(Noun[s])__(Verb-ing)__my__(Noun)__.

Sexting 303: Have Fun, But Be Smart

Now that you have some patterns you will quickly learn the limitations of the formulas. You will definitely find that adding modifiers to your Nouns and Verbs help paint a better picture, but don’t modify everything. The best modifications are sensations: warm, salty, firm etc.

Remember that sexting is mental. So, consider your goal and audience. Are you trying to be sexy or dirty? If the goal is dirty go with explicit. If you want better sexy results be implicit, rather than graphic, because engaging your readers mind makes it sexier.

Implied action:

  • I want to wear you like a tight fitting coat.
  • I want to wrap you around me.
  • I hope you have been stretching lately, b/c I just learned something new on the Internet.

Explicit action:

  • I want to hump you into a puddle.
  • I’m going to plow you like a new england field.
  • Go buy a beach towel. Tonight you are going to get messy.

Additional Resources

See What Other People Sext

For another perspective you can watch James Lipton’s advice on sexting:

And if you just can’t do it on you own I will write one for you.

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7 Responses to “How To: Sexting”

  1. Tweets that mention I Do Things » How To: Sexting -- Topsy.com

    [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Carlos del Rio, Carlos del Rio. Carlos del Rio said: I wrote a guide on how to be better at #sexting than Tiger Woods is: http://www.delriomedia.com/questions/how-to-sexting/ [...]

    Reply
  2. elise

    One of the greatest sexting scandals ever was Kwame Kilpatrick, former Detroit Mayor. Those were steamy.
    http://www.slate.com/id/2183399/entry/2183401/

    Reply
  3. Chris

    I want to irritate your shoulder with my ankle until you compromise.
    Am I doing it right? Are you hot for me yet?

    Reply
  4. Carlos

    @chris – I enjoy both your enthusiasm and creativity. Keep practicing and you will get better.

    Reply
  5. Rose

    Thanks to US magazine, we can have a fuller (and still disappointing) look into Tiger’s sexting:
    http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/39/2009/12/tigertexts1209.jpg
    @ elise, Kwame Kilpatrick’s texts look a lot less steamy when compared to Tiger’s. At least he was apparently only carrying on with one woman, who he seemed to actually feel some affection for. Tiger seems much more distant. I’d be interested to see his exchanges with some of the other girls.

    Reply
  6. Car Hire Alicante Airport

    It took me a while to search online, only your site unfold the fully details, bookmarked and thanks again.

    - Lora

    Reply
  7. Shawna Lenee

    Good info in this blog. I use this advice when sexting and I also like the tips at http://www.facebook.com/HowToSexting

    Reply

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