dear carlos,
where are the promised questions about, or by, strippers?
eagerly,
-chris
Ah yes May 8th, 2008 I alluded to the possibility of stripper related questions. Well, unfortunately, I was sidetracked in the following days by a wedding. So I guess I come back around now to address the issue.
Questions I have been asked by strippers:
How did you know I was on the cover of a tattoo magazine in June of 2003? [This happened in 2006]
“I read that tattoo magazine in a piercing parlor in Ohio.”
Is that a bong?
No, it’s a vase. You can tell because it doesn’t have a place to put pot.
Where did you get your glasses?
Hawthorne
Did you know that your glasses glow in the dark?
I noticed, but it only really happens in black light. You should get a pair they would go well with your top while you are wearing it.
Would you like a dance?
No, I am afraid that if I had a dance named after me people would think I’m a dork.
Would you like to buy me a drink?
No, but if you get someone else to I would like to watch you drink it. [thankfully she found that funny]
I have also answered: I would like to. But I can’t — for religious reasons. [that didn't work well]
Can I get a ride home?
Sure, just don’t tell my boss. He told me not to hangout with you socially. [So, to be honest that did not happen at a club it happened an apartment complex where we were both working doing apartment turn overs. My boss, who's name I forget, told me to watch out for this particular woman. To this day I am amused that she was a janitor by day and stripper by night.]
Things I have asked strippers:
Were you on the cover of a tattoo magazine in June of 2003?
See above.
So what is your day job?
- I am in pharmacy school.
- I am in art school.
- I am starting a non-profit to help convicts get jobs. [Really holy crap!]
- I work out a lot. [ha ha! You don't say]
Where do people meet a girl like you in real-life?
Stripper: I’m not that interesting in real life, this is mostly makeup.
Me: Ha ha! I meant a girl who likes Ween and the Pixies, your song choices were great. Also I bet you are pretty attractive, even without makeup.
Stripper: Oh! Thanks, I am in art school and eat pizza. So someplace that sells pizza is your best bet.
Me: Okay.
Why does it cost $20 for me to buy you an $8 drink?
Stripper: Inflation
Me: How about I just give you $12 to inflate me.
Stripper: Ha ha, how about you give me $12 to hang out.
Questions I have asked/heard about strippers:
Can you please tell me why that woman has an ass-ring?
Name Redacted: Apparently she needs a gimmick.
Why is she wearing a rubber mask?
I think it is a joke. [shortly afterwards my friend has a glass of water thrown at him]
How exactly do you end up dancing at a place called the “Dancing Bare”?
I think you have to be rejected by a lot of other places.
And finally the funniest thing I can remember hearing in a strip club:
Is the beef free-range.
