The New York Times thinks that we don’t eat healthy so they gave a list of 11 things you should eat for health. And I am going to explain why you don’t eat these things.
- Beets: You don’t eat beets because you think they are an unnatural color. Turns out that strange color helps fight cancer - try them hand grated, instead of pickled.
- Cabbage: You don’t eat cabbage because you aren’t a rabbit, so it makes you stinky.
- Swiss chard: You don’t eat this leafy green vegetable because it doesn’t taste like swiss cheese.
- Cinnamon: Man, I eat cinnamon like it is going out of style. What the hell does NYT know? Nothing! Their list just got dumb.
- Pomegranate juice: Have you ever juiced a pomegranate? Please send me pictures.
- Dried plums: You, statistically, are under 80 so prunes are kinda unhip, passé if you will, unless you drink Dr. Pepper. If you do drink Dr. Pepper, well, good luck.
- Pumpkin seeds: Seriously, who doesn’t eat like a pound of these between October 28th and November 1st? New York Times you are now on my list. Unless you mean I should spread my consumption out, that I guess is reasonable.
- Sardines: Shut up about omega-3’s. If I wanted to feel bones crunching between my teeth I would choose…listen, I just don’t want to crunch through bone at all.
- Turmeric: WTF? Turmeric is in everything. I don’t know many people who can identify it but cooks use it all the time NYT.
- Frozen blueberries: Wrap them in pancakes, fat people love pancakes.
- Canned pumpkin: If God had intended for me to eat canned pumpkin I would have been born with a can opening attachment.
And that is why you don’t eat right.
One Comment
Juicing a pomegranate. Hahahaha. You know they do sell it in a can.
Borscht is made with beets and is one of my favorite food. You can put cinnamon and turmeric in it too - oh and cabbage. Maybe you should try to make the “11″ stew and add all the items on the list - let me know how it tastes.